40somethingmag - Kat Marie - It-s A Great Fucki... Access

At 8 PM, Mark walked in, took one look at the smoke alarm duct-taped to a broom handle (my innovation), and said the five words that signal the death of all midlife projects: “The credit card was declined.”

Getting it up to my third-floor walk-up took two hours, a case of beer for the neighbor’s nephew, and the permanent loss of feeling in my left thumb. 40SomethingMag - Kat Marie - It-s a great fucki...

The oven, as it turns out, was in a dusty warehouse in New Jersey. The seller, a man named Vinny who smelled like regret and Pall Malls, loaded it into my SUV. “It’s a beaut,” he said. “Just don’t touch the right side. Or look at it wrong.” At 8 PM, Mark walked in, took one