Gay Blog — Master Salve

I tried. My eyes skittered away.

I couldn’t answer. I was falling. The noise was a physical pressure, the lights were needles, and the shame was the worst part of all. I ruined it. I always ruin it. He took me to a beautiful place and I’m going to shatter into a thousand pieces over a chocolate soufflé. master salve gay blog

He turned me around. His face was grave, but his eyes were soft. He cupped my jaw in his surgeon’s hands, those miracle-working hands, and tilted my face up to his. “I am your Master, Marcus. Do you know what that means? It means your panic is my panic. Your fear is my fear. When you hide it from me, you are not protecting me. You are stealing from me. You are stealing my right to care for what is mine.” I tried

I should have told him then. I should have said the word. But the giddiness was a powerful drug. I wanted to be normal for him. I wanted to go to a nice restaurant without a pre-game strategy session in the car. I wanted to be the partner he deserved, not the project he was managing. I was falling

The collar—the titanium band—was cool against my throat. It is not a symbol of my bondage. It is a symbol of my freedom. The freedom to be weak. The freedom to fail. The freedom to be caught when I fall.

“Yes,” Julian said, and the simple agreement was more brutal than any punishment he could have devised. “You should have. You put the idea of a ‘nice night’ over the reality of your own safety. That is a lapse in judgment, Marcus. And it cannot happen again.”